


Nobody Has A Choice

by Readerfangirl1



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:53:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readerfangirl1/pseuds/Readerfangirl1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren has a petrifying flashback: he's sixteen again, and his mother's just found out he's a murderer. What she doesn't know about are the threats Snoke made about his childhood friend, Hux... or the twisted connection he's made between the temptation of the dark side and the temptation of his romantic desires. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, Hux is sent by Phasma to find out where Kylo Ren is. When he reaches Kylo's room, he hesitates for a minute, hearing what sounds like screams of pain coming from the other side of the door. Against his better judgment, he goes in- to find his old friend suffering from night terrors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody Has A Choice

“This isn’t what it looks like,” I begged, “Please- mom- I didn’t-“

I tried to stand up, but my foot slipped on blood. How pathetic. A Sith lord falling into his enemy’s blood… is this how you prove your worth to the Supreme Leader? By groveling at the feet of your mother?

To be honest, though, it was just the sort of thing I would do. I should have figured out by then that I couldn’t do anything half-badass without getting more than my fair share of embarrassment. Like that time I told Han I’d rather have a Tauntaun for a father, and he thought it would be just bloody hilarious to pick me up from school riding one… 

“I hate you,” I told him, “And don’t even think about saying ‘I know’.”

He waved generously at my classmates. “Whatever you say, kiddo.” 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, I thought angrily. I wanted Han to find this- but no, want was the wrong word. And need was, too- it implied that there was still some element of light involved with this; that neither Han nor I could live without it. In reality, the opposite was true- I did it to test if Han could live with it.

“Ben…” my mom whispered, and took a step backwards- like she was afraid of what I might do to her.

“Mom- I- I can explain,” I said, trying to keep the tremors out of my voice, “Snoke- he tricked me- he threatened to kill Hu-“

“That’s not an excuse!” she screamed, “No one forced you to kill these people!”

I almost laughed. “The dark side or the light,” Luke used to say. “Everyone has a choice.” He made it sound like he was choosing what to wear in the morning- even though it was always robes. Like everyone knew which was the good side, and which was the bad. Like people were actually divided like that. “It’s simple,” he told me, “Just don’t wear black.”

My knuckles were turning white on my Lightsaber. “Please- just give me a chance to explain- I know- I know it looks bad, but-“

“-But what, Ben?” she shrieked, throwing her hands in the air, “Do you really think this is something you can excuse yourself for? Do you really think you can just say sorry and everyone’ll forgive you?” 

I felt a lump growing in my throat. And when Leia reached out with the force to sift through my thoughts, I only hesitated for a minute, thinking that any normal teenage boy would be absolutely mortified to give his mother access to everything he’s ever thought. Yeah, I thought, but then again, most normal teenage boys don’t go around preaching their deceased grandfathers. 

Go on, mom. I have nothing to lose now. And you might as well know.

After a moment or two of silence, she found what she was looking for. “That doesn’t excuse anything.” My mom said gently.

“I’d be dead by now if you thought that was true.”

“Ben,” she sighed, “I… I didn’t know… I could have… helped you figure this out…” 

“There was nothing stopping you from doing that earlier,” I snapped, suddenly angry, “My mind was always open.”

Before my mom could respond, though, there was a loud, tinny sort of sound that came from the landing platform a few miles away. I knew instantly what it was- I’d been training here for more than eight years, and, like all of his weak little Padawans, I was familiar with the arrival of Luke’s X-wing. 

I knew he was going to kill me. Luke’s presence was always heavy, like ozone hanging in the air before it rained, but this felt different- hotter, sharper; like bullets of acid. 

I got up awkwardly and started to run. I was blinded by fear- I really, really didn’t want to die today- and hearing Leia scream for me to run was only making it worse. Partially because I was beginning to realize what a mistake I had made letting her in- you can’t just stick to screwing up your life, can you? You have to make everyone around you feel miserable. Good job, Kylo.

And partially because I didn’t want to hear my mom say that. Run. Hide. Leave. I wondered if part of her felt relieved, finally getting to say that. 

*

Down one hallway, and through the next... This place is pretentiously overcomplicated, thought Hux as he stormed past the rows of troopers.

Normally a fairly level-headed man, he excused- no, permitted- himself to take on the role of “Melodramatic Maniac” that he usually reserved for Ren (not that he ever referred to him as that out loud). He then supposed his colleague would have to take on his position of “Stoically Put-Together Commander” (unfortunately, no one used that one, either). 

Hux was still deciding what Phasma’s was…  
“The Irritating One”? “The One With No Verbal Filter”? Both were accurate, but did little in capturing her essence. He doubted there was a set of words in the English language that accurately described the way she subtly crawled under Hux’s skin… And about the most absurd subjects as well- things that he would rather die than mention to Snoke. Or anyone else, truthfully.

As the general wound around another corner, he found himself replaying his last conversation with the woman.

“I believe a certain male counterpart of yours is absent.” Phasma had noted when they’d arrived for a scheduled meeting on the construction of Starkiller Base.

“I believe a certain person needs to refine the vision of Stormtrooper masks,” Hux retorted sharply, “Everyone can see that our relationship is strictly professional.”

“You’ve known each other since childhood. There’s even a rumour that he came to the dark side for you.”

“Flattering,” Hux said flatly, “But hopelessly untrue. I appreciate Ren as an ally, and nothing more.”

“He must find much enjoyment in your company if he allows you to call him something so close to his old name.”

“Ren does not control any of my decisions,” he stated, attempting in vain to stop the heat from rising to his cheeks, “Now, I must move the subject along to what we were sent here to discuss. The Supreme Leader is extremely displeased-“

“Excuse me for interrupting, General, but Snoke’s intention was to have Kylo Ren be present for this discussion.” 

“And,” Hux glanced at the clock- he was fifteen minutes late, “He is clearly not coming. We have orders, Phasma. And unless you would like to explain to Snoke why you disobeyed them, I suggest we keep with the schedule.”

“You know the Supreme Leader favours him.”

“So?”

Hux swore he heard her chuckle. “So, Kylo Ren must be present. If you do in fact sustain the professional relationship with him that you acclaim yourself to, you should have no trouble escorting Ren from his personal quarters.”

“That’s Stormtrooper work.” He argued.

“Then it should be easy for you.” She answered. 

What Hux would never tell Phasma is that he did find Ren to be oddly engaging- maybe not quite attractive, because Hux had never seen him without a mask, but similar to the feeling you get when an annoyingly catchy song gets stuck in your head. Perhaps I’m being too harsh. It’s not like I particularly want him out of my head… 

Hux paused outside of his coworker’s room. He had been so caught up in thinking of how he could explain the Phasma situation to Snoke that he hadn’t noticed the low screaming coming from the other side of the door. He checked the holographic map again- he had not wandered into the interrogation block by accident. This was definitely Ren’s area.

Hux glanced around for a second, hoping someone would be there to explain it to him. This is exactly the sort of thing Phasma would kill for. She probably set this up just to see my reaction. That sneaky, deceptful-

“Mom… Please…” the voice moaned, and Hux winced. Ren sounded like he was in pain. He could be in trouble. 

“Ren,” the general barked, “I’m entering your room.”

He waited in the hallway much longer than he should have- after all, Ren was a Sith lord. If he was crying out for help, the only logical thing would be for Hux to give that to him. Still, a part of him felt that entering his room unannounced might lead to unnecessary beheading. Maybe Hux should have come with a weapon of some sort…

He pushed on the door gently, swearing internally when it opened. 

*

“Ren?” 

For one petrifying second I thought it was my mother standing in the doorway, still telling me to run. Then I realized that it was a lot worse than that, because-

1\. It wasn’t my mom.  
2\. It wasn’t even Snoke.  
3\. It was Hux.  
4\. And, to top it all off, I wasn’t wearing my mask. 

Most of the time, I really wouldn’t care about that last one. I’d walked in on enough Stormtroopers trying to guess what I looked like that I was actually hoping someone would find out (I mean, honestly. Who even is “Napoleon Dynamite”?). For god’s sake, Han’s walking carpet cared more about his hair than I did. 

At least, when Hux wasn’t around.

The general straightened his collar nervously. “I… The meeting started a little more than half an hour ago. I was sent to fetch you.”

“I see.” I mumbled after a few seconds, pushing away the black hair that was sticking to my forehead with sweat.

There was an awkward pause in which neither of us spoke- I hadn’t talked to Hux about anything other than work for… months? A year? I’d lost track of time. And with everyone so focused on preparations for Starkiller Base, it was easy to excuse myself from trying to make any sort of romantic advancements. What would I even say to him? “Hey, uh, I know we haven’t really talked since middle school, and the last time you saw me I was using my mom’s eyeliner and singing “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, but, uh… you want to go to a movie or something?” 

“Well,” Hux scratched his neck, “Phasma and I will be waiting, then.”

I nodded, sitting up. “Yes. I’ll, uh, I’ll be there shortly.”

The ginger-haired man shut the door and left me alone sitting in the dark. I wasn’t sure what scared me more- my nightmare, or the sight of general Hux. He was looking so pale these days, and practically anorexic… I mean, I guess he was always on the skinny side of things, but still… 

The dark side or the light. Everyone has a choice. 

I punched the bed next to me in frustration. He’s wrong. The dark side or the light- it’s all white noise. It’s all static. Nobody has a choice.


End file.
